I fell into a deep depression and from that time onwards I believed that everything bad that happened to me in my life I deserved. My relationship with my mother began to deteriorate because deep down I blamed her for my decision years earlier. If only she was the type of mother whom I could depend on and turn to.What’s surprising is that our marriage survived and I was blessed with more children whom I adore and have a brilliant relationship with. I always believed that God understood and forgave me for what I did. But I could never forgive myself.
A couple of months ago I attended a Mission and got talking to this wonderful Priest. I told him about my abortion and for the first time in my life a man of the cloth had compassion for me. He told me to contact a wonderful organization called Rachel’s Vineyard.
Recently I spent a weekend with my husband at a Rachel’s Vineyard Retreat, and for the first time in almost 30 years I can feel peace and hope in my life. Everyone there was in some way a victim of circumstance. The weekend is also for family members and friends of those who have suffered abortions. The room was consumed with so much pain and suffering only a person who had an abortion would understand. I was so overwhelmed when I arrived on the Friday that I almost fainted. My heart was so heavy with guilt: I couldn’t stop crying. I spoke about my terrible secret after all these years and no one judged me or made me feel tainted. I believe I was blessed the day I set foot in Rachel’s Vineyard. The whole experience of the weekend has changed my life and made my relationship with my husband even stronger. I never knew the guilt and shame he felt all these years until he gave his version of the story. My reason for writing this personal experience is to try and help others who have had abortions and think there is no one out there who understands. Rachel’s Vineyard offers hope, inner peace and above all, healing.